Body After Baby

As much as I absolutely love my new daughter its really hard to come to terms with how much my body has changed in such a short period of time. I've never been naturally slim, I've had to really work to get down to size 8-10. My family are fat because my mum overfeeds us and we didn't do any exercise. When I was 13 I weighed over 13 stone and was creeping up to a size 18. I didn't eat breakfast. My school was full of fatty treats such as cookies and pizza muffins. I would have some of those at break time and then pizza, chips and a brownie for lunch every day. I'd have a sandwich when I got home and then my mum would make us a massive dinner too. I was so depressed, I'd lost most of my friends and just wanted to die. I tried to cut down by just eating a bread roll with marmite for lunch and I lost a bit of weight.

When I was about to go to university in Leeds I joined Virgin Active back home in an attempt to lose weight. I was also on Slim Fast but I don't think it worked for me. However I loved the gym, I went everyday and went on loads of cardio machines and did weights. By this time I was a size 12-14. In Leeds I lived with some really horrible bitches who totally hated everything about me. We shared a kitchen so I always ate really early so I wouldn't have to be in there at the same time as them. I also pretty much lived off crumpets and M&S low-cal meals. Virgin Active in Leeds was crap so I tried some others in the area and decided to join Esporta. At first I remember not really liking it but I soon balanced my work with the gym and went every Saturday afternoon and every Sunday morning (Sundays were good because I could watch the Hollyoaks omnibus whilst on the bike!) without fail, even if I was hungover. I loved it because it was helping me lose weight and it was a great stress reliever because I could get away from work and from my evil housemates.

In my second year I moved to Headingley. Because I loved Esporta I still went there even though the walk was a killer. I got down to 9 stone and was finally happy with my body. Then I met Andy. I still went to the gym once a week because he always had to work at least one day of the weekend but I was eating more (we liked to get drunk in the day, drink milkshakes and get KFC bargin buckets!) so I probably gained a bit. But I was really happy because I had found someone I loved and who loved me.

Then in July I found out I was pregnant. I ate SO much. I craved burgers, baked potatoes and anything featuring bread. I never weighed myself because I knew it would devastate me but I'm guessing I gained anything between 3-4 stone. I got ante-natal depression because of this. Even since I've given birth I still feel like I'm a horrible person now. I'm not the same. I used to be nice, now all I do is shout and cry. When I first weighed myself after giving birth I was 11st 7lbs. Now Chloe is 20 weeks old and I'm only just under 11 stone. Its so depressing. I worked so fucking hard to get my body fit and its all been ruined. Sometimes I resent Chloe for that, I'm sorry to say. I feel like Andy doesn't fancy me anymore because I don't look like how I did before. To top it off I got a large ovarian cyst in pregnancy which is making my stomach bulge. I'm getting that removed soon, so heres hoping it weighs a stone!

Well that was a bit of a ramble lol. But heres the point of the post. I'm doing something about it. I'm trying to stop breastfeeding as Chloe's nearly 6 months. This means I can eat whatever I want without worrying if it will affect her. I'm going to go to the gym everyday now that Andy's getting a new job in Leeds. And the last thing I'm going to do is take Capsiplex. When I first lost all my weight, I took green tea extract but I'm looking for something a bit more drastic this time. Capsiplex is a supplement that contains chilli and caffeine and is supposedly used by people like Jennifer Lopez and Brad Pitt to lose weight. It cost a fucking bomb - £60 for 2 bottles! - so it had better work. I'll be reporting on my progress on here. Wish me luck!